just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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