better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize