The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize