So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
