He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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