mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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