At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
