Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
