At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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