Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
