o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
