I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
