I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
