if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
