come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
