I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
