She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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