How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
