He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
