Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
