I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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