i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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