i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
