we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
