apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize