I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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