david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
