do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
