Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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