either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize