you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
