You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
