I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My penis needs a shock collar
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
