I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
