just come out here and I will go home with you...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." ๐ ๐๐ท
How have you been? I havenโt talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize