Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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