Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
