Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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