I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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