I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize