Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
