and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Randomize
