so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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