What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
