My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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