I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
