I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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