I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
