Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
