I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so explain again why im purple
no
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize