I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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