Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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