This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
