so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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