My friends, they love my intelligence
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
