i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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