Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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