when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
