I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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