what day is it and did you see me today?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize