He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
