Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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