Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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