I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
