under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
