people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
