I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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