similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
