i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
