Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
