you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
