turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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