Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
