I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
