I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
