I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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