I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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