There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
