bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
