Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
