whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
