Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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