He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
