"it" just moved
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
