Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
