Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
