I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
