fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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